


Survivors

by alteirkay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Romance, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/M, Holding Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Sleeping Together, a little fluff, i’m still not over the last season, no spoilers from the manga, post season 3 part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22913632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alteirkay/pseuds/alteirkay
Summary: When the night settles over the sky, and people of the city goes to a restless slumber, Hanji writes under the weak, yellow light of a single candle. Outside of her window the wind whistles, creating a secret harmony with the sound of her pen over the paper. She writes and writes while the candle melts, while the papers pile up above her desk, while the dark shadow of death hovers above her head, she writes without ever stopping a moment to think.
Relationships: Hange Zoë & Levi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	Survivors

No doubt they’ll soon get well; the shock and strain   
Have caused their stammering, disconnected talk.   
Of course they’re ‘longing to go out again,’—   
These boys with old, scared faces, learning to walk.   
They’ll soon forget their haunted nights; their cowed   
Subjection to the ghosts of friends who died,—   
Their dreams that drip with murder; and they’ll be proud   
Of glorious war that shatter’d all their pride…   
Men who went out to battle, grim and glad;   
Children, with eyes that hate you, broken and mad.

—Siegfried Sassoon, “Survivors”

* * *

When the night settles over the sky, and people of the city goes to a restless slumber, Hanji writes under the weak, yellow light of a single candle. Outside of her window the wind whistles, creating a secret harmony with the sound of her pen over the paper. She writes and writes while the candle melts, while the papers pile up above her desk, while the dark shadow of death hovers above her head, she writes without ever stopping a moment to think.

When she comes to the death of Moblit her hand shakes, when it comes to Erwin the paper gets blurry, but she doesn’t stop. She can’t, not now. Maybe not ever.

She doesn’t hear the sound of the door opening, being too much invested in her work she doesn’t even tear her eye away from the paper. The words flow easy enough like her mind only functions to reveal the facts and ignoring all the sentiments, all the pain and suffering. She just writes like she doesn’t feel anything at all, when in fact her soul screams with agony. She just writes because it is the only way to stop the sorrow even if it is just temporary.

“Hanji.” A voice says her name, she recognizes it immediately but doesn’t respond. She just keeps writing.

“Hanji, stop. It’s enough, you need to rest.”

He reaches out to touch her hand in order to stop her, but she retreats her hand and holds on to the pen, like it is the means of life for her. “No,” she says, voice strict and looks at his eyes. “I need to finish this report. It’s almost done.”

Levi doesn’t buy it. He doesn’t because he just knows her so well, and that she is going to stay up through the night whether she finishes or not. Thus, he frowns. “Cut the bullshit, Hanji. You need to fucking rest. We are both exhausted. You can finish it tomorrow.”

She shakes her head and makes a dismissive gesture with her hand. “You go ahead. I am not tired enough to sleep yet.”

Levi sighs impatiently, he is getting angry. “Hanji...”

“Just give me a couple of hours, okay?” Hanji cuts him. “I’ll sleep then. Just a few more hours.”

Levi’s blue eyes look even paler than usual in the candlelight, but there is something almost smooth under the hard layer of his stare. Hanji knows he is worried about her, but there is no way she will be able to sleep while her head is full of sounds louder than the sound of her own heartbeat.

“It’s already almost 2.00 in the morning Hanji. A few hours later the sun will rise and they won’t let you fucking sleep during the day.” His voice changes like he is trying to hold himself back from talking in high notes. “So stop this shit already. We’ve been through fucking hell yesterday. Of course, you are tired enough to sleep, idiot.”

Hanji knows he is right. Levi is always right when it comes to her sleeping and eating habits. And she can feel the fatigue lingering over her bones and muscles. Even if she cannot sleep, she is aware that at least she has to lay down.

Yet she puts the pen over the paper, again. “Give me an hour, then.”

She starts writing and this time Levi stays silent. He keeps standing over beside her desk but she thinks eventually he will give up and go so she chooses to ignore him.

Except, he doesn’t.

He moves behind her chair, and even though Hanji wonders what he is up to she keeps on writing without a pause. But when he wraps his arms around her and buries his head in her neck, she stops. Bewildered, her eye widens in surprise and her heart begins to move faster and louder.

“Zoe,” Levi murmurs against her neck. His lips brush against her skin, she feels goosebumps where his warm breath touches. “Don’t make me fucking beg to you. Come to bed.” He takes a deep breath and his hair tickles her chin. “I’m tired. You know I can’t...”

His voice trails off and his sentence stands unfinished yet Hanji understands. She doesn’t exactly know how long it has been since they started this... thing whatever this is. They never put a name on it, never speak about it. Like it is something belong to another dimension that is far away from this crooked world. But she understands because ever since she has laid beside him, feeling his breath and steady heartbeat and knowing that he is just there, it has been much easier for her to sleep too.

So her body relaxes and she drops the pen, giving a long, tired exhale she puts her hand above his head. Her fingers play with the soft, black hair. “Okay,” she whispers. “Let’s go to bed.”

Levi pulls back and after Hanji stands up and blows off the candle they go to her bed. Levi opens the blanket and they both get under it, lying face to face. They are close to each other in the small place, and even in the darkness with her only functional eye, she can still distinguish the outline of his face. Levi reaches with his hand, removes her glasses and puts them in the bedside table.

“You really hate my glasses, don’t you?” Hanji asks with a playful voice.

“I do,” he says honestly and reaches out to her again, gently touching her face and tracing the line under her visible eye.

Even if he doesn’t say a word she figures what is crossing his mind at the moment. “I will get used to it eventually.”

“I know you will,” he says. He shifts and gets a little closer to her. Their knees bump. She can feel his warm breath and the fresh smell of his soap. Her heart tightens with utmost affection which almost _hurts_ and suddenly she realizes how lucky she is because although she has lost two closest friends yesterday, she still has him. Alive, well and right beside her. Warm, tender and real.

“I am fucking glad that you are alive,” Levi whispers stealing the breath she has taken to speak like he has read the words that are about to leave her mouth.

She bites her lower lip. “Yeah, me too.” His fingers comb the messy strands of her hair back. “It hurts thinking about them,” she whispers. “And I’m tired of losing people.” She touches his chin lightly. “But I’m glad to have you, too. Guess I don’t even know what to think.”

“It’s okay,” Levi says assuring her. “You won’t have much of a time to think anymore anyway, Commander.”

“Yeah, that’s another issue.” Just thinking about it makes her feel like she has a Titan above her shoulders. “I won’t be as good as Erwin.”

“You are a fucking genius Hanji, you will be fine.”

“I am not good at strategies like him. He was a natural. I am just a scientist, not a leader.”

“You are aware of the fact that you have been a Squad Leader for years right, idiot?”

Hanji snorts, softly. “That’s not the same thing. And you know it.”

“You are one of the best soldiers we have and your mind alone is a fucking weapon itself.” He pulls her hair swiftly like a little warning. “Do not underestimate yourself.”

Hanji feels a smile tugging in her lips. She is aware that they are both trying to stay away from the dangerous boundaries of the actual matter. And she just plays along. “That’s the sweetest thing you have ever said to me.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles. “I always say nice things.”

She hums. “Like what? Like saying my glasses are shitty, or that my hair is filthy. Oh, I know one time you told me that I smelled like—”

Her sentence is cut short when Levi grunts with annoyance and obviously thinks that the best way to shut her up is by kissing her. She smiles against his lips while her hand travels up his neck, to his hair. He kisses her gently at first but when he asks permission with his tongue the kiss deepens into more of desperation. He kisses her like he wants to prove himself that she is actually _there_ , but also with the pain of his loss, with the burden of the costs that are paid with lives. It is like what he cannot express with words he transfers it through his lips. And she understands because she too feels the same.

He uses both of his hands to untie her hair and his fingers move among the brown strands. She doesn’t want to let go but eventually they part for air and little gasps of breaths exchange between them.

Levi lowers himself to put his head in her chest and wraps his arms around her waist. Hanji smiles and moves her fingers among his thick, black hair. Levi tangles their legs together. Silence covers them up like a second blanket. The painful reality of the death of their friends roams around them, encircling their bodies. No matter how much she tries, she cannot forget it or put a barrier over the reality. Not when she can still smell blood like it’s lingering in the air she inhales.

“I can’t believe they are dead,” she whispers because she doesn’t trust her voice. She feels her eye burns with stubbornly unshed tears. 

Levi holds her tighter and doesn’t say anything for a while. She thinks he is still in conflict with the choice he has made. Thinking about all of the possibilities that could’ve to happen lets he were to make a different decision. In the end, words are kept unsaid and he just hums.

Hanji keeps playing with his hair and swallows the lump in her throat. “So, humanity’s strongest and the smartest are the only ones left, huh?” She says in a pensive tone.

“Yeah, lucky bastards,” Levi murmurs.

 _Lucky_ , what a strange word to use in such a cruel world. Coming from Levi Ackerman it sounds even odder, almost wicked. She searches for the light which once burnt bright within her, now she cannot even catch a glimpse of its fire. Hanji kisses the top of his head. “Sleep my soldier,” she says in a low voice.

“You started giving me orders already?”

“Well, you need to learn to obey me.” She smiles and tightens her hold around his shoulders. “Sleep.”

“Tch,” he grunts but takes a sleepy breath. “I’m fucking tired anyway.”

In the dim light of the moon sweeping through the window, the new Commander of the Survey Corps lays with the strongest soldier of the whole humanity among her arms. The two broken soldiers, their souls tainted with blood that belongs to their friends more than their enemies. The bodies lay quiet in the cemetery inside of their heads where the sun never rises, where the deathly cold bites fiercely. The sleep is not welcomed tonight but Hanji closes her eye anyway. Two soldiers who have defeated death hold on to each other because there is no one else, and for now having the other one alive is the only thing that matters.

Outside the window the wind whistles, the leaves rustle and two veterans left alive to go to a restless slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really not proud of this one so please do let me know about what you think. It’s like I cannot see where the problem is. Anyway thank you for reading ^^


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